Monthly Archive: May 2007

Innocent or Gulpie?

CAUTION: the following rant may contain random inaccuracies and wild speculation and is not to be taken as the literal truth (though if anyone would care to weigh in on how we are able to obtain literal truth from anecdotal evidence I would be glad to hear it). This is in fact an interpretation and response to a conversation which contains elements of an interpretive nature (which can translate as "people make sh*t up when they are telling a story as it adds dramatic narrative").

I was approached by a smoothie-groupie last night, I say approached but I know them quite well so actually I was latched on to and held, for my interpretation and opinion on a particular argument that had come under their gaze at it concerned a said company and their recent announcements and the furore of reaction this has caused.

So let me give you a brief overview of the company and the argument before I carry on with what the groupie was groping for :0

The smoothie company in question does a nice line in real fruit soft drinks. they have no artificial flavours or colours, great taste and are fairly ethically minded for a business. They contribute to the community and the environment with good hiring practices and a strong lean towards improving the recyclability of their processes and products. They have won numerous awards including awards for the good treatment of their staff. Many people like their products and are enthusiastic about the ethos and attitude of the company.

So the argument:

the smoothie company has recently announced a deal with a large fast food chain. this chain has been seeking to improve its image and the range of products it offers to keep its market position and to prevent further negative portrayal.

The response has been two-fold:

Firstly the company and those who seek to continue to support are claiming that this bold move is a positive influence on the well-being of the fast food seeking populace as it will add balance into their diet and more choice of healthy meals at their favourite eatery.

Secondly, some people see this as a sell-out by the company and that they are degrading themselves by climbing into bed with a hungry giant who only seeks to destroy the world with their fat-laced obesity-causing meat products.

Some of these people have gone even further by declaring they will never touch the smoothie companies product again, and in the case of one person who was so incensed they instantly poured their smoothie away. Lucky they had one to hand when they heard and what a waste of a smoothie, I cannot imagine how further wastage is a proof of moral superiority.

Which is principally what these two arguments are, who has the moral superiority. I was asked by the said smoothie-groupie for my response.

I opted for the third way, more loosely known as "my own answer".

My answer was that the company in question is not a charity. When whomever set the company into existence they did so with the intention of making a profit.

(Now there is a call for why this can be a bad thing even if we ignore the Marxist/Communist argument there is a view about profits being a bad reason for production and that the pursuit of greater profits leads to a degradation of product and consumer (but I am not going to discuss that here).)

The company charges a good price for their product, in fact they charge between 130 pence (£1.30) and 200 pence (£2) for what amounts to flavored water through the product range to a handful of pressed fruit in an approximately 300ml bottle. This charge can be increased by some purveyors but it still accounts to between £5-7 pounds per litre of fruit drink.

This is not entirely good value for a small bottle of water, in fact it is quite an expensive way to obtain fruit, one apple, one banana and a pint of water has the same nutritional value, with the advantage of being more filling and costs about a quarter of the price.

So, contrary to the perceived notion by smoothie-groupies and the inconsequential idiots seeking a set of morals and viewpoints as they don't have the backbone to construct their own; the company in question is in fact perfectly justified in its approach. It is following the same course it did when it was set up, that is to provide a product at a cost that leaves it able to maintain its position and increase its output in proportion to its ambitions. In other words it is doing what every company like it wants to do, it is being successful. Not only that it is keeping exactly the same moral stance.

Yes, they may be aligning with a perceived monster in order to alter the ethos from within.

yes they may be continuing their marketing spin about ethical approaches. And, yes, I can give you a hundred reasons why both of those are b*ll*cks, and I could probably give you a hundred why they are valued.

But it doesn't matter as the company is doing no different to what it has always done. So this recent reaction by the two camps is completely pointless. The companies in question have in fact changed very little in terms of their structural approach to business, they have simple re-organised in order to survive in a fluctuating marketplace built on shifting perceptions.

Hence the spinning. Hence the deals. Hence the reaction and counter-argument.

AFTER CAUTION: So, if anyone feels this is invalidated by that fact that it was a story, or that there was speculation and third-hand telling of someone's possible actions or words, then you are missing the point, this rant was about the perception of argument and the need to think around the discussion and present your own thoughts.

PLEA: Please leave a comment after reading this, go on, be the first to do so, I haven't had any yet and that makes me sad 🙁

AFTER PLEA: Okay that was wheedling and manipulative. have you not left a comment yet?

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Happenstance to illuminate a vernacular with archaic lexification is so quaint

(IN A SUFFERABLY ENGLISH MANNER, OF COURSE)

I am perceived as a wordmonger

For the phlegmatic, autocratic, I hunger

In as mellifluous tone

Onwards I drone

Because I don't get any younger

I can even be tiresomely described as a verbiator, which sounds like a Prodigy song:

I'm a verbiator, twisted lexicator, yeah

I'm a word-addicted, twisted educator

lexicate the verbiator, twisted verbiator

"Don'na du Anglish, as wurds as bad fur us all as it twists ur littal mindz rund and rund…"

Good morning one and all and welcome to the cheap seats where you have the wet and wild view of a man so lacking of a coherent thought it is like watching an epileptic disphasic during an acid flashback. So, and anyway, what's it all about Alfie? Not a lot really, in a weird mood and just wanted to jot some stuff that randomly floated into my mind.

Insane in the mainframe, a written spew of dialogue and paraphrase that is vaguely edited or maybe that should be remotely edited by a bloke called Bob from the little town of Swiftpiddle-on-the-Marsh.

"I clear my mind of the random crap that is floating below the level of consciousness so that I can amuse you for a brief moment, a passing minute of your time."

"Really?"

"Yes, for there is a belief that if we empty the consciousness of clutter we can access the pure reasoning that floats like a three week dead sturgeon in the depths of our subconscious."

"Float in the depths? Really, that's a nice mixture of imagery."

"I'm glad you think so."

"So, are these icy-depths?"

"No, I wouldn't have thought so, icy depths cannot quite describe the bleak blackness of inner space one achieves in the vast reaches of the abyss."

-Finis-

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Hubrisitation on your moribundity…

Hubrisitation on your moribundity

or…

R-E-S-P-E-C-T, I'm the CEO of an SME

You open the door and step through the window of reality into a land where the trees grow down and the sun sets like a jelly in a fridge. At last you see the value in forms and regulations, of the minutiae of governmental organisations and their repetitive acquisition of information. You clap at the endless stream of brown envelopes with franked stamps and paper clips. No, you're not on drugs nor have you sustained a bump to the head you have in fact entered…"The Managerial Zone".


do.do.doo..do….do.do.doo..do

Internet startups, software consultancies, software houses, yada…yada… all usually contain the same set of internal dynamics. A small group of people who decide (foolishly, those poor deluded children) that they can make a 'go of things' outside of the constraints of larger organisations or corporate strictures. Often they are almost entirely a technical team, there will be the, occasionally confusing, mix of talents and abilities and one of them will be given the role of manager. Like me, that's you.

So what is the principal problem that you'll face?

Is it…getting people to obey your instructions…

No. they will either do it or not do it dependent on circumstance and nature of the person asked, so don't fight battles for your right to rule.

Or…making the workers part of a team…

If you have to 'make' someone part of a team then there is a fundamental problem. Teams, relationships and groups form by themselves in human interaction* so you cannot force someone to be part of one, or force others in an existing team or group to accept them (*A cheap term and I know there is a lot of learned manner and distinct forces for relationships in this, but this is not going to turn into a discussion on the nature/nurture aspects of social and cultural experiences or on human need for extended family/familial interaction).

You can encourage people to work together, and you can try to make it a level playing field with methods for discussion of team focus, a neutrality of position when it comes to complaints and compliments and etc. (to be discussed later perhaps). You can appoint a team leader, or group co-coordinator or any other titled position to provide a core direction. But, you cannot force people to like it, or to participate freely unless you allow them a little more freedom. So in real terms you don't really make teams, you put people together and add some salt, place them in a hot pan of sizzling butter and simmer until they burn. Though occasionally they caramelize and you have a great tasting dish.

Perhaps…achieving the company goals….

ROFLMAO…Seriously, I will cover this elsewhere. Not only is it a different discussion, but it is a pointless one as no-one truly has the answer to it. Those that do are selling you something 😛

Okay before I take too long I will tell you. it is getting someone's respect. As it says in the alternative title. So how do you do that?

Simple. You don't. They give you their respect. You earn it by being good at what a manager really does.

A lot of people see their manager as the pointless b*stard in the suit, who turns up when he feels like it and sends irritating messages about tardiness and focus. A person who decides to have group forming and team-building days doing something he would like to do without asking his staff. They often discuss people freely, yet prohibit that type of communication unless they started it. they are in fact SFFA.

Small businesses are different to this as there is often a lot of work for a manager as well. The person appointed as manager will often be expected to be part of the work teams and to answer all the irritating paperwork and do the unimportant stuff like banking, accountancy, payroll, the mediocre stuff that stops you getting sued, imprisoned or going bankrupt. They also have to interact with the clients. It is a job with 24/7 stress and little fiscal reward in the first few years. It is a huge challenge and many people think this gains them respect when they do this, and they do it on time and without 'too much' complaint.

Well, that does gain you some respect, but it isn't what a manager (or mangler as a child recently called me) really does to gain true respect.

So what does?

The answer is easy… a manager supports his staff.

He doesn't just support them by listening to their complaints, helping them if they have problems, defending their work or their rights, and a host of other obvious examples that are the core of being a manager. He also supports them in small ways.

Recently we moved office. Since we are a small company that involved me doing the majority of the moving of the office. I could have ordered the rest of the staff to help and they may have grudgingly come, or they may have been willing, or they might have told me to stick my head in a bucket of badger's sick, we're an easy going gaggle of gits, that can happen. As it was, they were busy, so I (with the help of part-time staff and friends) moved the office and did the round of paperwork and other minutiae (and there is a lot of it) involved in doing this.

During the move I bought a new kettle/fridge/toaster/coffee machine for the office (as requested when we discussed what we needed collectively). but, I also bought something else, a small thing really. I put a new coffee mug on each person's desk, that I chose to fit the staff member. A nothing thing really, I was in a shop that sold kitchen things getting the paraphernalia that accompanies said electrical items, and I thought it would be a nice gift for the new office.

This earned me kudos. In fact it probably bounced up my karma with my staff more than paying them on time does.

Why?

Simple really. it wasn't needed, it wasn't asked for, and it wasn't expected. But it shows that I think about my staff as people not as part of a company, or a team, or a project, or a goal. But as living and breathing individuals that I should invest in as much as I do a new computer or a profitable client.

I also tend to be in the office more than the other staff. Being a company where the only equipment you truly need is a computer and a net connection, my staff have the freedom to work from wherever they wish. Also we have a number of clients in different time zones so we work odd hours sometimes. This isn't a problem but it means that the office can be empty for a few days and then full. I always make sure to buy coffee, biscuits, tea, and to empty the bins so that they can come into the office at any time of the day or night and work without needing to face those minor problems. Trust me on this, you will earn more love from a staff member who needs to snack at 4 a.m. in the morning with no nearby convenience stores if you leave biscuits in the office than if you take them paintballing on a team-building exercise.

Not that you shouldn't also do the team-building 'thang' as that sounds fun as well. But it is the constant little things you do that mean more to your staff, and it is when they miss you when you're not there and support you without question in return, that says how much you are needed and respected.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T, know you know what it means to me…

A little background history for shits and giggles…

I am a literature graduate who also studied education and linguistics as part of my joint honours, I worked as a typesetter (editorial staff) and designer in a publishing house for many years before learning flash, html and css to do the SB website (and to experience the pain of coding for different browsers). My technical knowledge then extends to a good background in science fiction and the adherence to standards in mark-up languages, with a fine grounding in stylesheets. Not a heavyweight I'll grant you, but I have learned a great deal about the way languages and frameworks join together, templates and user interfaces so I am not entirely unnecessary in the technical work as I do a lot of work on the client-side of the frameworks.

My business partner and I decided to take the plunge and form a company in 2005 when we realised we worked well together and that he could handle the technical direction we wanted to follow and I was capable of the business side (my half has yet to be proved ;P ).

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Stephie and Mike’s wedding Day 5th may 2007

One of my oldest (in that I have known her for eons though she remains terminaly youthful while I squander the passing moments in the pursuit of my dotage) and most adorable friends, Stephie, was married today to the quite dandiferous Michael. (So you must be wondering about that new word, so wonder, I like it, dandiferous sounds like a term to apply to Danby Minsk who is of course my phantom child).

They make a lovely couple.

I think, even through my current beer haze denies any serious cogitation, that I am the first person to blog their union and to post piccies, and here they are. My best wishes…lovely couple…interesting bouquet…yada yada, I already said it to them I don't need to repeat it here, on with the images.

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