Title: Original BBC Headline
Text: My take on it for S&G
Title: UK buys 90m swine flu vaccines
Text: UK fails to acurately count is population and buys more vaccine than is needed. The Daily Mail points out that the extra is for all the illegal immigrants stacked up in the south. If you go to the Mendips it's immigrants all the way down the valleys. When asked what was below, the response was, you can't fool us it is immigrants all the way down until you reach the turtles.
Title: Straw drops secret inquest plans
Text: Also he denies once again that he is the Demon Headmaster.
Title: Tenant on fears of losing his home
Text: He's being kicked out of the Tardis at Christmas an illitirate Daily St*r reporter notes.
Title: Obama 'to revive military trials'
Text: The Super President, Man of Steel, gives breath of life and CPR to medical-allusion lacking military justice.
Title: UK repossessions up 50% in a year
Text: But bollocks figures like that could be an increase from 4-6 states smug statistician at a party.
Title: What happens to ex-beauty pageant winners?
Text: They're ground up and used as foundation by a cosmetics manufacturer.
Title: 'No plan' to call Woody witnesses
Text: Says innapropriate title creator in sex trial
Title: Depeche Mode cancel more gigs
Text: Pissed off U2 lead singer Bono asks them to cancel their own f*cking gigs instead.
Title: Google 'sorry' for slow service
Text: Yet still blatantly calls everything beta and doesn't 'man up' and lift that 'bollocks' description
Title: Velcro petals help bees hang on
Text: But the cotton wool fly is not amused