Life is sometimes best shown in the obscure
Do You Drink?
In pretty much every medical conversation I have had over the last few years the same question is always asked, ‘do you drink’. The same set of answers appear in my head but I never use them even though I really want to. I always answer fairly plainly and honestly as the flippancy will not help.
However the conversation that should happen is there in my imagination so I thought I’d share with you how it goes in my head.
Them: Do you drink Mr Keating?
Me: Yes. I have 3 children under 10, of course I drink.*
Them: How often?
Me: As often as I can.
Them: Really? How often do you actually drink?
Me: The moment I am not responsible for them.
Them: So every night?
Me: It doesn’t have to be night.
Them: Do you drink during the day?
Me: One of the kids is a toddler.
Them: So, no then.
Me: Are you joking, as long as I don’t have to put the little fucker to sleep I am straight onto the gin.
Them: So you drink spirits?
Me: I’d drink petrol if it was in a cocktail. I have 3 kids under 10.
Them: Seriously now.
Me: Good point, Petrol is expensive. You can get turps at Poundland.
Them: You should really have a few free nights a week without drink.
Me: I think the same about my kids.
Them: Well you made the life choices and need to deal with them in a sensible manner.
Me: I do. I told you. I drink.
Them: Excessive drinking can reduce your lifespan.
Me: I have 3 kids under 10, I’ll drink to that.
Them: How many units of alcohol a week are we talking about here?
Me: I find it best not to count, but a safe number is to add the children’s ages up and times by 10.
Them: Best medical advice is to have fewer than 14 a week.
Me: Kids or drinks?
Them: Units of alcohol, you need a different strategy for children.
Me: I had a vasectomy.
However none of this actually happens… maybe next time
*NB This is all just in jest, if I really need to say that. I love my kids. They are not the reason I drink, they’re the reason I get up and run each morning so I am more alive each day to enjoy being with them.
Rubik’s Cube
In today’s WTF conversation with #1Son we have the following gem:
#1Son: Life is Like a Rubik’s Cube.
Me: (busy reading a news page looks up) okay, I’ll bite, go on, and?
#1Son: It’s ten-sided.
And that dear reader is when he left me and I was left stupified. It’s a new day in the life of a nearly-nine going on 40 year old bar philosopher. Answers to this riddle will have to be determined by the observer as the speaker has left the building.
-Out
Pleasantly Surprised
I really want to start with some long rant, a diatribe, a gripe about being forced, nay obligated, to watch my child murder some popular hits and showtunes as part of some gods-this-cost-how-much event.
But I can’t.
Crap.
I enjoyed it.
Over six thousand children makes an impressive choir.
‘Some context if you please, Darling’.
Tonight I attended the Young Voices Choir event at the MEN Arena in Manchester. The event saw 6,000 school children perform hits from films, shows and popular chart. My eldest child was a singer so Leigh and I attended.
I am not normally a huge fan of the music, I don’t actively dislike it, I just don’t run towards it with any level of enthusiasm. Leigh kinda likes it a lot (she is a fan of both show tunes and movie musicals) and for her it was also mega level karaoke (of which she is also a fan).
So Why did I Like it?
Well for a few reasons to be honest.
- The atmosphere was good. Parents were having a good time and everyone seemed chipper.
- The kids were very enthusiastic and clearly they had practised a lot. In fact they blew the roof off with their performance, real seat-rattling fun.
- They had a dance troop to do some in-between pieces that were very well presented.
- They had stars, someone from Britain’s Got talent (don’t watch the show and don’t recall their name which I feel slightly guilty about), Tony Hadley of Spandau Ballet and Sharlene Hector from Basement Jaxx all came on and belted out tunes with the kids.
- They got the audience up and dancing and involved which really changed my mood.
The light show was also very impressive
So I ended up enjoying it far more than I thought I would. the light show was also impressive and the sound was very well balanced for a stadium level show. There was a lot to like.
The best part of all of this is that #1Son seemed to be having a great time. I am writing this as I am on the coach with the parents returning home, the kids coach is meeting us there so i cannot yet confirm that. I will update this post before I publish it so you will not know the difference…
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